Wah, I hate Mondays. Boo hoo, it’s Monday. woe is me. sniffle sniffle. drowning in my sorrows.
What are you complaining about? You just got a weekend, who cares if its Monday its the first day back after a restful (or epic) Sunday Funday. I’ll tell you what the real week killer is: realizing it’s only Wednesday.
On this all so dreadful Wednesday-eve, I’d like to rant about nothing in particular. Bare with me until Friday when I post butterflies and rainbows on my wall while I sip champagne in the office (what it’s an industry standard!) (okay, maybe its not.. but I lead everyone in the office to believe so, don’t you dare blow my cover Nett Brewton).
Without further adieu, Wednesdays rants:
1. Are trail mix manufacturers fucking joking with their serving size? Me, “omgosh trailmix, what a nutritious and healthy snack!” Satanic trailmix company, “serving size: 1/2 m&m and one peanut with the salt washed off, servings per little baby baggie: 50”
2. Sneaky English accents who trick you with British charm and don’t laugh when you obnoxiously quote “you sound like you’re from London” should be deported. There, I said it.
3. Why does my laundry machine only take quarters? And why 5? Isn’t that excessive considering I (my boyfriend) pays an astronomical amount for this outdated apartment.
4. So what I love Christmas, sue me. I’m going to listen to Christmas music when I want to and I’ll be damned if anyone (my boyfriend) keeps me from decking the halls the first week in November.
5. Enough with the political posts. I bet half you morons didn’t even vote.. you just think its trendy to post about it on twit-insta-book.
6. It worries me that my boyfriend plays video games where he shoots innocent dears and bunnies then says, “baby i just got anothah bambi!”
7. It worries me that more (all) of my calories and paycheck go to wine before they go towards food.
8. Why is cheese bad for you? And more importantly why is it so friggin delicious? And even more importantly why does a trip to the Beverly Hills Cheese Store cost so much that I can afford to do my laundry for 3 months in my overpriced washer and dryer after a visit to their Cheese Dynasty.
9. Why the hell doesn’t anyone get the reference “smarter than the average bear”? Were you neglected as a child? i don’t get it.
10. No woman over 23 should wear hot pink anywhere on their body. But.. No. nowhere.
On that note, it is now 1AM, and I wish you all a pleasant Thursday.
