Oh spring. What a beautiful time. Everyone stretches their arms and comes out of hiding. The lilys start blooming, birds start singing and smiling becomes more commonplace.
Despite the magic of the birds and the bees, spring in Boston makes me downright cringe.
Eager to kick off their uggs, Bostonians make spring fashion faux paus to the highest degree. And while I have fallen victim to these same critiques time and again, I’d feel a lot better venting my biggest spring fashion peeves:
Lessons Learned from my stark observations:
1. Don’t be afraid of sunless tanner. Or maybe some tinted jergens. I can’t compliment your skirt if I’m gawking at the paleness of your legs.
2. If you’re going to wear peep toes, commit to it. Please don’t jam your feet into tights then let your covered toes slink through the sandal opening.
3. Beach bags are for the beach.
4. Buy a spring trench, or a rain jacket, or a cardigan – anything to get you to stop wearing your winter wool or down jacket with a dress and flip flops.
5. Don’t wear flip flops unless it’s predicted to be 70 degrees. This is still New England and we all know the weathermen are right less than 10 percent of the time.
6. Again, it’s New England, and it’s windy. We live on the water, remember? Flowy skirts are not wind resistant.
7. White is see-through.
8. Plastic sunglasses should not have jewels glued to the side of them. You know who you are. Suck it up and buy some Ray bans, you’ll thank me later.
9. Platform flip flops can be thrown out now, they’re not coming back.
10. Lets not kid ourselves. No one’s dieting. No need to write, “getting ready for bikini season” on facebook and make the rest of us sweat it. I know you posted that while waiting in line for your 1000 calorie coolata and everything bagel from dunkies.
11. No self respecting woman should start spring without a pedicure. Or at the very least, please take off the left over dark red from Christmas that is only still visible on a corner of one big toe.
12. Ok big guys. Tevas will never be ok. If you happen to wear flip flops, fine. But your feet aren’t getting by my scrutiny. Please trim your toe nails, it’s the least you can do.
13. Embrace color, smile more, wear a silly spring hat, try coral lipstick, go neon for your nails, get an extra scoop of ice cream, smell the flowers and sip a margarita – it’s spring in Boston, and we deserve to give it a proper and long over due welcome 🙂
|SPRING DON’T – CHECK THE FORCAST! SPRING DO!|