Now I get it. Struggling. Actor. Emphasis on the struggle.
I’ve been neglecting my blog because I’ve been so absurdly busy. How naive I was to imagine that quitting my job would free up all of my time. I imagined I’d be working out twice a day, eating healthy, spending more time socializing, getting more sleep, writing more, but what am I doing instead? Cramming in a week chock full of auditions and juggling meetings, a boyfriend and social outings.
The lack of a schedule and routine feels more cumbersome than my 9-5 ever did. I’m so worried about missing out on opportunities. I spend hours submitting for auditions and castings and then practicing lines. I rack up miles zig zagging across this city, wait in crammed casting offices for eternities only to be rejected on the spot. Or worse, think I nailed it then never hear from casting again.
Being an actress sucks.
it sucks worse that I know what I should be doing.
I know I should get new headshots with a clean background. And then print them out with a professional resume on thick paper.
I know I should get into character, figure out my scene objective and write a back story and moment before for each and every scene I prepare.
I know that I should dress the part, and change my look depending on the audition. I should look at the reader not at the camera. Stop saying like and um. Stop doing that obnoxious deep sigh that no one does in real life but all amateur actors put into their performances. Research the project, director and producer. I should stay thin and ready for a bathing suit shoot. I should keep my roots dyed, my skin with the perfect tan, should deliver my lines uninhibited and without reservations.
I know all of this, because I’ve been on the other side. I’ve worked in casting, been an agent, given this exact same advice and criticism.
But it’s tough!!! I’m running through my savings fast and don’t have extra money for nice new headshots and professional resumes! And there are too many auditions, and they’re too short notice! And for god sakes I can’t stay thin and work out, these auditions are ALL of the time! and i’m stressed.. and stress eating! Give me a break!
Maybe I will catch a break. Maybe I wont. But I have a new found respect for the struggling actor trying to make it. This isn’t a profession for the weak of heart.