So you’re from the mid-west and vowed never to turn into “fake hollywood”. Maybe you’ve been here for only a few weeks.. maybe you’re coming up on a year.. but if you can relate to the following statements, then I hate to break it to you – but you’ve gone Hollywood.
1. You don’t feel like carrying your water bottle on your hike at Runyon Canyon, but you wouldn’t dream of not bringing your lip gloss.
2. You publicly declare you’re going vegan and organic over drinks with the girls …then get a double double from In n Out on the way home.
3. You name drop so much that you can’t even bear listening to your own stories.
4. You secretly wish you were Jewish so you could have thrown a lavish bat mitzvah for you and your 500 closest school friends.
5. You’d give up your family dog before you gave up instagram.
6. Going to a club where you have to wait in line.. even for 2 minutes.. or gasp, not have a table.. is an absolutely ludicrous idea.
7. When you go out you spend more time texting than socializing. Actually, you’re kind of over socializing and you spend all of your time texting.
8. You go out for taco tuesdays but get vodka sodas because margaritas make you fat.
9. You spend more money at Sephora than on groceries.
10. You scoff at aspiring actors but secretly submit yourself for auditions.
11. When you see a woman with nice hair you get the urge to poke through it like a monkey to prove that they’re extensions.
12. You have picked up a call on the elliptical at the gym …and been able to carry on a conversation. Lets get real, you’re not going to over exert yourself at the gym. Sweat? Ew.
13. You’ve accepted that you will inevitably become addicted to botox.
14. You’ve already stopped reading this twice to check your texts.
15. There’s no such thing as too blonde. Or too skinny.
16. When you go over your friends for the bachelorette you put on full make up and do your hair. You know those bitches are going to instagram the second you walk in the door.
17. Your fear of missing out (which you only refer to as FOMO) is so bad that you feel guilty when you stay in.
18. 9 to 5 jobs seem excruciatingly tedious.
19. You’re only having children if you’re rich enough to hire a nanny.
20. Getting 10 new followers is better than sex.
21. Fro-yo is a part of your daily diet. But you justify it as healthy calcium and nutritious fruit… even if you’re getting reeces, toffee hot fudge and a banana slice or two.
22. You’ve driven to Vegas more times than you’ve gone to downtown LA
23. Your morning alarm is Avicci.
24. Your ripped up grungy tank top cost more than you spent on your boyfriend for Christmas.
25. Your averaging $300/month in unpaid parking tickets — thank god your cars still in your dad’s name.