You have a nearly obsessive nostalgia for everything ‘nineties’.
You average 6 weddings a year.
After partying sounds fun… but your pillow sounds SO much better. Actually your pillow sounds so much better than the regular party too. I mean, getting ready is just such a process, and you’ve got a lot of Netflix to catch up on.
You’ve taken a bubble bath in the past 6 months.
You’re smiling just thinking about a bath with a glass of wine, candles, a good book and chocolate. Oh, the chocolate. Didn’t you used to hate dark chocolate? What happened?
You’re strong in your political convictions. And you will not back down.
Your hangovers, holy f-ing hell.
And day drinking, another holy hell. If you day drink you are in bed by 8:00 PM. Long gone are the days where you would day drink and then go out that same night. You cannot even fathom.
And why is all that dark chocolate sticking to your ribs all of a sudden? It seems that late night pizza has much more dire consequences on your flub ratio than it used to. And going for a jog doesn’t quite whittle your love handles away anymore. But yet, you are become a bit more lenient with your diet, aren’t you? It’s okay, you are not alone.
You rather spend your money on anti aging creams than… well actually, than on anything else. They are a necessity. Sometimes you stand in the mirror, mere inches away and pull your skin tight. Then you sigh, take a sip (gulp) of wine, and run the bubble bath.
Your mother is your best friend. Never would have seen that one coming. Scarier though, is that you are starting to kind of… well… act just like your mother. The same exact person that you thought was your polar opposite. Yikes. Need another gulp of wine for that one.
Your little cousins think you are SO old. Like ancient.
You have upgraded from 2 Buck Chuck wine. Not by much, but it’s an improvement. You also don’t think buying fresh flowers are necessarily a waste of money anymore. Or organic produce. Or a trip to the day spa.
You don’t feel comfortable going into Forever 21. Because, well, it feels like it’s been forever since you were 21.
You’ve started to skip trends. Like the crop top, or printed leggings, or chrome nails.
You coo at strangers’ babies. A lot.
If anyone talks to you before you’ve had a cup of coffee… shame on them.
Gardening sounds nice. So doesn’t flea markets, and wine tasting, and brunch with the girls.
You have a wedding pinterest board. And you know exactly what ring you want. Regardless of whether or not you have a boyfriend.
You feel secure. Secure in your career, in your relationships, in life. Sure, you are extremely anxious and stressed, but you feel proud of your past accomplishments and excited for your future achievements. You are more rational and less emotional. Nicer to your parents, kinder to your body. You appreciate everything more – your upbringing, your current situation, the arts, a good meal, great conversation. And maybe you complain about all the weddings, but who are we kidding… you are honored to be invited and you still tear up nearly every ceremony. Plus, each wedding helps you fine tune your own wedding dream. And while the idea of thirty seems daunting, shortens your breath and makes a pit in your stomach, you know that you will survive. Hell, maybe you’ll even enjoy it a little. More time for bubble baths and a good read doesn’t sound half that bad after all.
