There’s something off about my oversized kitchen windowsill.. but I just can’t put my finger on what it is. I rearrange the photos, switch out the flowers, add herbs.. take away herbs, light candles, prop up plates… I’ve tried it all, and yet there just seems to be this lack of harmony I can’t fix.
Every morning while I’m waiting for my tea to boil I stare at the ledge while I eat entirely too much almond butter out of the jar (something I then curse myself for the rest of the day). I water the plants, move things around a bit… then I wrack my mind thinking of homegoods purchases I can make that will finally fix this bothersome space. Later in the day I stand in that same spot while I mindlessly gorge on whatever it is I’ve found in the cabinets or fridge, and again I feel annoyed by the windowsill. Today was no exception.
The only difference is that today I stopped worrying about the windowsill and started worrying about myself. Maybe it’s not the arrangement of flowers and vases that are lacking harmony… perhaps it’s my behavior. I pride myself on practicing what I preach, yet I always stand in that one damn corner of the kitchen stress eating everything and anything I come across. Which, obviously, only causes more stress. It’s a horrific pattern that I always intend to break, but never get around to. Yes, I want to enjoy my meals at a table and stop binge eating… but more I want to find an alternative way to relieve my stress.
So today, instead of switching out the plants, I plucked up a flowering cactus (that I have grown to hate for it’s inability to make my windowsill look beautiful), took it outside and painted the pot. The windowsill still irks me, but now I’m reminded that we create external conflicts from internal battles. Am I going to stop finishing a container of hummus in one sitting while I scowl at the windowsill? Probably not right away. But what I can do now is to remember something I all too often forget to do: just breathe.