Observations from train car 3, row 8

Observations from train car 3, row 8

Plopped in the same purple bench seat, in the same train car, drinking the same weak dunkin donuts black coffee, I can’t help but wonder if this is real life. This sinking feeling of doldrom and continuity that might make others feel secure and give a sense of belonging, but that make me stir crazy and filled with wanderlust.

I am so blessed. So thankful for two loving, ridiculously entertaining, and healthy parents. I feel so lucky to have a job that I genuinely enjoy going to, that excites me and affords me a sense of accomplishment and pride. Not to mention how lucky I am for coworkers and a boss that I consider my best friends. I have over a dozen friends I could call crying and 6 dozen more I could call for a drink. I landed a boyfriend who defines the perfect catch and is more sincere and thoughtful than anyone else I’ve ever met. Plus he puts up with my endless squaking and relentless whining!

I feel so guilty complaining and feeling discouraged when I have so very much to be thankful for, but perhaps I’m so antsy in life because of my strong support system. I have this sinking feeling that each passing day is time running out and that I’m not living up to my potential. I’ve always been pushed to give 100 percent and I’ve always succeeded in achieving whatever my goals may be, but the feeling of accomplishment is fleeting and soon after I’m on to the next challenge.

Is it me? Do I have to find my own inner peace and learn to be happy with my place in the world? Or should I be spending everyday tiring myself out to leave a legacy and make something of myself …with the constant fear that even if I made it, I still would never feel satisfied.

Or is it our society? This never settle for less, American dream mentality that is so embedded in my generation. Maybe what I really need is a relocate to Spain where days are eaten up by siestas and nights by dancing?

Either way, my itch to explore and travel ..to leave my fingerprints across this globe.. Is insatiable and becoming increasingly difficult to ignore.

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