My Compatibility Test
Lets skip the lying on an online dating profile and take a foolproof compatibility test, shall we?
I don’t like you if…
You think NPR is a music group you haven’t heard of.
You have ordered a fried fish sandwich from Mcdonalds or Burger King.
You’ve asked Siri to have sex with you.
You can’t name the vice president.
…but you can rattle off 10 pornstar names with ease.
You buy video games. Play them. Then return them, pretending your 14 year old brother (which you don’t actually have) didn’t like them.
You identify as a stoner.
You have ever crushed a beer can on your forehead.
You hunt and kill helpless animals. For fun.
Your profile picture is you drinking straight out of a bottle of hard alcohol.
Your hero is Charlie Sheen.
You’re ‘between jobs’
When someone looks at you wrong, or at ‘your woman’, your first impulse is to punch him.
You say ‘merica after most sentences. And own a confederate flag.
You use axe body spray. A lot.
…If you can’t say yes to any of these, then stay tuned for a subsequent part 2 speed round.