Miss America Pageant: Disqualified.
Today started off all wrong.
Woke up on a love seat with cheese-its nestled into the scarf i still had on while foggy memories of asking Gronkrowski what his favorite ice cream flavor slink into my awareness. Something about sports players and vodka that really puts me off balance mentally.
By noon, my self loathing has taken new heights. As I enter espresso martini into mydailyplate.com and watch my cal intake hop up 500,i steam over with anxiety. I have a pageant in two weeks. And not just a here I am! crown me! pageant. This is miss freakin America. I’m going to be interrogated in a 10 minute interview! Answer a current events curve ball on stage! dazzle the audience with piano! bathing suit! evening gown! ugh. What was I thinking! This isn’t me! Not the Chelsea who haughtily scoffs at the donuts her boss leaves daily on her desk, not even licking off a single jimmy; someone who hasn’t listened to anything besides the drone of NPR on the radio for months; who stays in on Friday nights to analyze the republican race before playing fur elise enough times to make even a deaf Beethoven cringe. I live breath eat (or rather starve) pageant preparation. Monday fittings, Tuesday piano, Wednesday interview coach, Sat and Sun walking practice. Not to mention the daily 530 AM workout sessions. But even the dedicated Chelsea can’t pass up an opportunity to celebrate victory with the patriots players at a private table. So i went, and forced all my friends along too.
Hi Chelsea –
If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Again, I apologize for this unfortunate situation and wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
And just like that my world collapsed. Okay, your life collapsed? aren’t you being dramatic Chelsea? i mean it’s not like you got an email saying your parents died in a tragic car crash. You can’t enter a dumb beauty pageant. Well you cynical, condescending unsympathetic jerks, I have been dreaming of being Miss America since my first pageant at 5 years old. Every recital, every good grade in school, every piano lesson has led me to this point. My travels, accomplishments, dreams, they’re all so intertwined with the pursuit of the Miss America crown. Yes, it’s silly. But this pageant could change my life; afford me the opportunity to go for my masters; heck with a 30k scholarship maybe i’ll go for a doctorate program. I could travel the country, impact the anti-bullying campaign with my peer mentor initiative, be a role model to millions. this title would launch me into the entertainment industry. hosting opportunities, modeling, maybe acting. I am absolutely dying to leave a legacy, to make a far reaching impact on the lives of many and to really make something of myself. You can scoff all you want, but there’s is nothing more genuine than my burning desire to dedicate myself whole-heartedly to the pursuit of the Miss America title.